


A Good Life

by mistresscurvy



Series: Pornmas 2020 [8]
Category: The Eagle | The Eagle of the Ninth (2011)
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:53:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28493439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistresscurvy/pseuds/mistresscurvy
Summary: Esca watches as Marcus approaches the villa in the late afternoon sun, his arms burnished and well-loved by the rays, his eyes reflecting the golden light of the day as he smiles at Esca, and he sighs.It is a good life, even for the lovesick.
Relationships: Marcus Flavius Aquila/Esca Mac Cunoval
Series: Pornmas 2020 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2073921
Comments: 17
Kudos: 96





	A Good Life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [angrennufuin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/angrennufuin/gifts).



> Happy pornmas, Mirk! You asked for some mutual pining - I hope you enjoy this <3 
> 
> Thank you to oliviacirce for the beta <3

It is a good life. 

It has been many years since Esca thought of his life that way. Before the Romans came, he never had reason to view his life as either good or bad, or something in between. It was simply his life, full of some hardship, to be sure--whose life was not?--but full of so much more joy. He was too young and naive to realize how good his life therefore was. 

He had learned that quickly enough. 

After, he did not think of his life as being a bad one; he thought of it as merely forfeit, an endless sequence of days and nights that did not end, no matter how hard he attempted to end them. Marcus stole that death from him, and then his uncle stole his rage by binding him to the one Roman he could not kill with honor. 

When they made it north of the wall, he discovered that for all he had attempted to convince himself that his life was not worth caring about anymore, he did not want to die. He wanted to live, whether to lead a good life or a bad one or, more likely, something in between. 

More than that, he did not want to live a life that did not contain Marcus in it. 

He supposes that is when he could no longer hide from himself. It is hard to pretend not to care for your own life when someone else's is so precious to you. Especially when that person has more courage than sense. 

Now, he watches as Marcus approaches the villa in the late afternoon sun, his arms burnished and well-loved by the rays, his eyes reflecting the golden light of the day as he smiles at Esca, and he sighs. 

It is a good life, even for the lovesick. 

*

He did not always want Marcus as desperately as he does now, of course. 

When he was first brought to the villa, he had seen him as just another Roman, a pig and a butcher. That he was well-made, tall and strong beneath the injury that had ended his career, with a face that betrayed his every emotion, simply made Esca hate him more. 

Esca did not like to dwell on what he thought of when he touched himself, those first months. 

Once they were beyond the wall, he saw how the Seal Prince had looked at Marcus. He felt, for the first time, a sense of proprietary longing. Who was the Seal Prince to look Marcus over in that way? To dismiss him as unworthy of his female kin, even as the idea of Marcus smiling at a girl made Esca's stomach twist? Fortunately, the effort of keeping them both alive and the Eagle safe commanded all of his attention for the journey home. 

He had merely delayed the realization, though. He looks at Marcus now, and suffers all that he felt beyond the wall, and more. They are alone together in the world: Esca a man without a people, and Marcus a Roman who is not, who reclaimed his honor by freeing himself from their intentions for him. Neither of them naturally fits anywhere, and Esca, who is relearning himself as a freedman and discovering that he is a romantic, cannot help but think that they must only fit together. 

*

Marcus is taking his time deciding where to go now. When he asks Esca where he would like to settle, Esca demurs. He does not doubt Marcus's sincerity in asking him, but he would not want to bind Marcus to a place he did not want to be. While Esca cannot yet imagine a world beyond Brittania, he finds it harder to envision a life without Marcus, whether that is near Calleva, or in Hispania or Aquitania or Gallia. He asked once, hesitantly, if Marcus would like to return to Italia. 

He had not expected Marcus's small smile as he shook his head. "I no longer belong there, Esca, if I ever did. And I would not ask you to go someplace I am sure you would dislike."

How is Esca supposed to withstand such care and consideration? It is surely beyond him. 

*

There is a young Pict girl who Esca often trades with at the market. She is shy, but has a winning smile for Marcus whenever he comes to join Esca as he conducts his business for the villa. If Esca were a better friend, he would encourage Marcus to approach her by himself, to gain those shy smiles more easily in service of a possible future. 

Esca does not suggest this. 

One night after a trip to the market, Marcus is restless during dinner. At first, Esca fears it is his leg, but his movements do not suggest pain, exactly. He simply seems ill at ease, which is not like him at all. 

"Marcus, do settle down," his uncle says on his way out of the room. "You are so jumpy you make it impossible for anyone else to relax around you." 

"I am sorry, uncle," he says, but still cannot stop shifting, his eyes finding Esca's and then looking away again. 

"Do you have bites?" Esca asks finally.

Marcus looks at him, startled. "What?"

"Have you been attacked by insects? Is that why you can't sit still?"

Marcus laughs, and for a moment Esca thinks he had been imagining the furtive way Marcus had glanced at him. But then Marcus sighs, and Esca's heart falls at the sound of it. 

"Would you like to take a wife?" Marcus asks.

Of all the responses Esca could have imagined, this could never have been one of them. "Why do you ask?" He tries to speak calmly, casually. 

Marcus grimaces. "I only thought--if you met the right girl, you might have children, and could continue your father's line." 

Ah. "Marcus, my people ended with me, no matter how many children I might have," Esca says gently. He could never have foreseen the need to say this kindly to a Roman, but he cannot be cruel to Marcus about it. "I could not give them their home, or birthright. I would not be continuing anything. And I have never desired it."

"I see," Marcus says, looking regretful. "I am sorry to have brought it up." 

Esca shakes his head. "It does not cause me pain now, I promise you." He stops, and forces himself to reciprocate. "And you? Your family name could not be held in higher esteem now." 

Laughing, Marcus shakes his head in return. "Oh, it could be. But no, that is not what I long for."

Esca takes another sip of wine. "You are not waiting to take a wife before you decide where to settle?"

"Before we decide," Marcus says firmly, and then frowns. "And no, Esca." 

"Oh," Esca says, a bit faintly. 

"There is no--have you thought I was waiting for that? Is that why you will not tell me where you want to go?" Marcus's voice has grown louder, and Esca feels perilously near the edge. 

He is too exposed here, and stands to leave. 

"We should get out of Stephanos's way," Esca says, and heads toward Marcus's bedroom. 

He does not wait to see whether Marcus will follow him. His heart is beating too hard, and if they continue to discuss the wives they will not take in the middle of the villa, Esca is afraid of what he might say too loudly. 

By the time he gets to Marcus's bedroom, Marcus is right behind him. "Esca, if that is not it, if you think I am forcing you to leave your home--I am happy to find land in Brittania," he says, with a queer sort of pleading in his voice that Esca hates. 

He turns to look at Marcus, who wears a badly concealed expression of panic on his face. It is not a conscious decision to put his hand on Marcus's cheek; he needs to reassure his friend. "I will go with you wherever you want to settle," he says firmly. 

Marcus shakes his head against Esca's hand. "I do not want to take you somewhere you don't want to be."

He is the most thoughtful man in the world, who cannot hear what he is not told directly. Before this moment, that has allowed Esca to shield himself; now he must either deliberately lie to Marcus, or reveal the true nature of his feelings. One hand still caressing Marcus's face, he takes Marcus's hand in his other and lifts it to his own chest. He presses Marcus's hand over his heart. "I want to go with _you,_ " he says again, and waits.

Marcus's eyes search his face. Esca attempts to prepare himself to say more, to bare his heart more completely, when suddenly Marcus takes a sharp breath in and kisses him. It is clumsy and frantic and Esca lifts up onto his toes to better meet Marcus's mouth. Marcus gets both of his arms around Esca's waist and holds him close. His tongue slides into Esca's mouth and Esca sucks on it, his hands still clutching at Marcus's face. 

"I did not know," Marcus says against his mouth, and kisses him again. "I wanted, but I didn't want to hold you here." 

"Where else would I go?" Esca says, and tries to get closer for another kiss, but Marcus pulls away. 

"You can go anywhere," Marcus says seriously. "You can live your life as you choose, Esca. I would not take any more from you than has already been stolen." 

Esca loves an idiot; a kind, generous man who does not see himself as something to have. "You can take as much from me as you like," he says. He strokes down Marcus's broad chest and then runs his hand over Marcus's cock, which is hard and thick through his tunic. When Marcus makes a choked off noise, he smiles. "And I will do the same." 

A moment later he finds himself on his back, Marcus's thigh firm between his legs and against his cock. He pulls Marcus in for another kiss and rocks up as Marcus grinds down. Each kiss is a gasp of air against each other's lips as they thrust and move together. Esca’s hands sweep down to grab Marcus by the ass, and Marcus groans against his neck and spills. Esca pushes up against him, his fingers digging in as he chases it, and finally comes on a bitten-off cry. 

Marcus is heavy and lax against him. He kisses the side of Marcus's face. "For the time being, I would like to stay right here," Esca says seriously. When Marcus begins to laugh, his body shaking against Esca's, he grins.

**Author's Note:**

> I am on twitter at [@mistresscurvy](https://twitter.com/mistresscurvy)!


End file.
